Plan F

I went to a "Time Out for Women" a couple of years back and the speaker began her talk by asking, "Is anyone here living their Plan A? Plan B? How about C?" We all laughed at the reality of our lives. The dreams that we have had to redefine, and some even let go. There are so many uncontrollable variables that make it difficult to attain our hopes and desires. Life is just that way.

This evening I went and played outside with Alex and Ashton, my two youngest. It was actually weird. Alex and I raced around the house, while Ashton would squeal with all of the excitement. I started thinking about how foreign this had become to me. I could just leave what I was doing and go and play. My life is very different than it was several months ago.

Several months ago, I realize now, I was drowning. I had so much on my plate, and things just kept being added. They were the kind of things that you just couldn't say no to. (Believe me, I had gotten the "I'm sorry, I can't," down purely out of survival.) I was stretched to my max and then we bought our bank foreclosure- which was a blessing but also a blessing with a lot of work tied to it. Every available minute was spent trying to get the house to a livable state. Kevin and I would often work full days, bring the kids over and work. One of us would take home and put them to bed, and the we would either stay and pack or come back to the house and work until late. We would leave exhausted and head back to the townhouse longing for our pillows.

The next morning my phone would ring, earlier than I was ready for it to, with a request or something that had to be taken care of 'right away'. Every minute of every day was dictated by something that was pretty much out of my control. I needed to do what needed to be done, in order to keep my job, which helped us buy our house. There was a light a the end of the tunnel, the tunnel was just very long. I read in a 'Parents' magazine once that "if you want to get something done, you ask a busy person". As my list of priorities grew, my non essentials seemed to slip. Survival mode kicked in, and reality, did what I could do to get through the day.

And then the house. As I was playing with the kids outside I looked up and my house and thought about my Granny. I remember her telling me one time that she never dreamed that she would live in a house as nice as the one she and my mom have. I was instantly humbled by her comment. She grew up on the prairie, dirt floors, horse and buggies. I thought about where I was 2 months ago and where I was now. I often felt that their house was more on the humble side. It wasn't as fancy as many of the others that friends and family have. But, it surpassed her dreams. She went through hard times and was able to fully appreciate the blessing that was laid out before her.

Now I am in my own home, and while it isn't perfect, it is mine. There were so many homes that we looked at that weren't as nice. I still can't believe that I live in such a pretty little house. Moving to this house also released me from my job as an apartment building manager. When the phone rings, it is usually people who actually want to talk to me. Most of the time it is about their lives or other fun things, that I can't write up a Work Order to take care of. I don't have to interrupt my friends on the phone to answer the 'business phone' (btw thank you to all of my friends and family for being so patient when I had to answer the phone when I was talking with you for the last 7 years). People don't come to my door to complain (or to pay rent). In fact, they don't even know where I live! Can you imagine.... living anonymously where someone can't just step our their door to tell you what isn't right for that day! I can walk to my van without someone trying to tell me something.

I have virtually zero outside obligations right now and I am in awe of the peace and calmness I feel. Life isn't exactly as we had planned it, but life is good. I have time to play with my kids (without having to tell anyone I am out of the office). It all feels so foreign to me. I know I have had this kind of freedom before, but the last few years have been so crazy, I think I have forgotten the true joy of freedom. I am so humbled to own a house- a home in California at a time when so many are losing theirs. I am so amazed that I have these wonderful children who laugh with (and at) me. I am so grateful that the Lord gave me an opportunity to really appreciate this peace. If I hadn't gone through the last 7 years, would I appreciate it as much? Hard to say- but I wouldn't have the house because of Real estate in California (even foreclosures are insane!!!) I had to go through the other to get where I am at, so I guess that answer would be no. 'These things shall give thee experience' and let me tell you, experience is one thing I have down.

Things will get busy again, after all, school starts in 2 weeks, but it will never be the same as it has been. Our life is so different now, I almost don't recognize it. I feel guilty but I barely remember "that" whole chapter of our life. From here on in, I will always have time to breathe. We may not be on Plan A or B but I think we can definitely call it Plan F- for fabulous!